


heart unfolding

by forgotaboutdrea



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx Mixtape, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29421408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgotaboutdrea/pseuds/forgotaboutdrea
Summary: Dean makes another mixtape.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 10





	heart unfolding

Dean makes another mixtape.

It's been weeks since The Empty took Cas. Dean had been easing Baby down a quiet stretch of highway and listening to the radio when he almost drove into a ditch while (crying and) belting out Elton John's "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues." So he figures he's got some issues to work out, whether or not he and Sam find a way to get Cas back.

All the lovesick songs he has encountered since everything happened have hit him a certain way, and some wrap around his heart and squeeze, a less deadly but maybe not less painful version of the grip Billie had on it.

Look, Dean is too old for guilty pleasures -- he should like what he likes and not give a crap about what anyone thinks or says about it. Except, he does. Sam has enough emotional intelligence to not tease him but since he's the little brother, he instead often chooses to give Dean crap about whatever supposed transgression he's been caught in. Maybe if he would allow himself to get caught vibing to Taylor Swift or whatever more often, he could normalize it for himself and anyone around him. _Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves_ and all that.

In addition to the winding detours he takes in listening to actual pop music, several years back he finally got into generationally appropriate rock music -- all the grunge he'd heard in the 90s but thought he wasn't paying attention to. Let a decade or so pass and it's colored with just enough nostalgia to make him go soft for it. He found himself singing along to songs as if he'd always loved them. So he has his classic rock preferences and he's still picky, but get him in the right mood and he's willing to explore.

The first mixtape was easy (it wasn't), low pressure (so why did he stress about it non-stop for over a week), and didn't have to mean anything (it meant something. _he was cute and he knew all the words to every Zeppelin song_ ). Some of the best Led Zeppelin songs are just... super horny and yeah he did panic a little over that but then again isn't music usually about love in various forms, including the sexy stuff? He took deep breaths and dealt with it. Leaned on the plausible deniability that he's been leaning on for years already in regard to Cas.

There's one song he deliberately kept off of **Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx**. Something about it had him feeling too exposed. Too close to the emotions he wanted to keep hidden, too close to the heart he thought he was protecting. It was a live version of "The Rain Song" that often floated in the back of his consciousness whenever he thought of Cas. Sometimes, alone and unguarded, he could listen to that song and feel his heart unfolding.

[Dean makes another mixtape](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5HB4VdVgQiX5XiEsOcMwan?si=vSJIFMoFRhuGuUIEqUUfAg) and when Cas comes back, his heart will be ready.

Tracklist:

Rock Me Tonite - Billy Squier  
The Rain Song (Live at MSG 1973) - Led Zeppelin  
Unchained Melody - The Unrighteous Brothers  
My Favourite Colour - Carly Rae Jepsen  
Hold the Line - TOTO  
Love Stuck - Mother Mother  
The Flame - Cheap Trick  
Time In A Bottle - Jim Croce  
I Want You - Mitski  
Ready for Love - Bad Company  
Supernova - Liz Phair  
Closer - Nine Inch Nails  
Sunshine Of Your Love - Cream  
Love Songs - Brandi Carlile  
I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues - Elton John  
Like A Stone - Audioslave  
13 Beaches - Lana Del Rey  
The Search Is Over - Survivor  
cardigan - Taylor Swift  
The Night We Met - Lord Huron

**Author's Note:**

> rebloggable version on [tumblr](https://forgotaboutdrea.tumblr.com/post/643068927050743808/)


End file.
